When did the perpetual trade off begin? This is a question that has been mulling over my mind for awhile. It has plagued my thoughts today after a conversation yesterday during Alina’s 2nd birthday party.
Mark – “I’m going to start tabbing to work with Niel in the mornings, so I will need to leave probably 6.30am”
Me – “Ok, so I understand you need to get your fitness up etc… but you want me to now get up with the girls and give them breakfast as well as everything else?’
Mark – “I have to start to do something and what do you mean everything else?”
Me – “Ok, but you need to understand how much more pressure that puts me under, I am already feeding Soraya 2-3 times through the night and now you need me to be up earlier”
By this time as you can imagine, body language etc.. has deteriorated and to save face we decided to talk about it later.
When did the perpetual Trade off begin?
Later is fast becoming a term to mean we are going to hash it out, battle if you like and we both need to mentally prepare.
Here is where the trade off bargaining begins. You can do…. if you do…. ???? When did we start this? When did we start misunderstanding the other person and their tasks so much that instead of saying “hey I know you are under a lot of pressure at the moment but I need too…. but I have thought this through and can start doing… so there is not any extra pressure on you”. Wouldn’t that be an amazing conversation? I am sure there are many of you in the same boat.
Why are we so wrapped up in our own worlds that we have failed to see/feel what it is like for the other in the parenting world. We are in a constant I do more than you, I have more stress than you, you try doing what I do for a day… etc… etc…
The playground strikes again
I feel as though we are 5/6 year olds in the playground doing the well “my … is better than your …” syndrome. I mean seriously we are adults and even worse we are partners! We are with the person we have decided is the other part to us, the person that makes us and our family whole. Whether that is for you your Husband, Wife, Partner, Common Law etc… (For us we are in the we would be married if it weren’t for the cost of how we would like to get married camp!) But my point is WHY if we love each other and our children are we locked in this eternal battle?
When did this almost one up-manship start? I have a feeling it started with a lack of acknowledgement or appreciation. It is so easy to take things for granted as many times it is only when you do not do something that the thing you do do gets noticed – still with me? You know like if you always hoover and clean the hall it is only when you do not do it that all those around you notice that it had previously always been done. So the better you are at something the less you get noticed for it unless of course you shout from the roof tops and this is where the problem lies.
It then doesn’t get noticed or appreciated and this goes for everything. For those in the work place that do their job well and just get on with it to those that are in the parenthood world that are trying to either be a parent and work part or full time to those that are full time carers for their children and trying to keep everything else together.
In fact it goes even further than that as it is the same within the school world. If you are good and do well, you get less attention than those that need extra help in learning or those that misbehave. However, do any of the people that fit into those categories deserve or even need less attention, acknowledgement or appreciation? I would say No. Being one person that fits into one of those categories it is not as though I need a constant “Oh darling, you did an amazing job with the washing up this morning” but acknowledgement as to how much I get done in the day whilst evading world war 3 would be appreciated.
As I am sure appreciation to your employee for always being reliable would be appreciated. Or to the school child an acknowledgement that they are such a pleasure to teach. Or to your spouse for going to work every day and contributing to the family income.
Today, it would be amazing if we just acknowledged and showed a bit of appreciation to someone else for all that they do. Even if all the people that read this post did that to just one person imagine how many people would feel just that little bit better.