It had been the most transformational week of my life and I mean transformational! During a public speaking course in Peterborough, I shared with my course mates experiences I had never voiced aloud to anyone. I grew up in a very challenging, volatile and often confusing environment. In many ways, I learnt to be strong. I learnt not to cry, not to complain and I learnt never to speak up.
So, to be open. To admit. To lay to rest all the emotions I hadn’t realised I was still holding onto, was a huge relief. More importantly, it opened the space for me to be able to tell my story in such a way that would benefit others. That would truly inspire people and help them to know that they are not their past. They are not their previous experiences or the conditioning that was pressed upon them. That they are not the insecurities of others or the opinion of others. That they can be who they truly want to be.
To then get home after a 5-hour journey to the news that was just devastating… The kind of news that 1. you don’t want to hear and 2. hope is just not true.
As I walked in the door at 10.30pm all I could hear was the words ‘you look so happy I’m so sorry‘. I didn’t really get it at first, I literally said what are you on about… ‘I’m sorry but your brother has died‘. I’m not sure if you have ever been in a situation that you hear something so shocking and that feels like it just can’t be true but I just rejected the words instantly. In fact, if my memory serves me correctly I think I even pushed the person away from me and said that is not funny.
The ridiculous thoughts
My brother is 2 years younger than me, fit, married, his two youngest children are 6 and 3. The same ages as two of mine. As they repeated ‘I am so sorry, he is, he went to sleep and didn’t wake up‘ the reality sunk in. When I say reality, I mean the words sunk in. I felt my chest closing in, tears pouring down and I could hardly breathe and all the most ridiculous thoughts running through my head, like, are you sure?
As kids, we were so incredibly close. To the point, we could answer each other’s sentences. I have to admit I felt like the next few days were just numb. I went through the motions of calling people and the more people I called, the more surreal the whole experience became. My business… I couldn’t even focus on. I knew I needed to, I was bang-smack in the middle of a launch. But, I just couldn’t even structure a coherent sentence together at times.
I learnt a lot about myself during this time and over the next month or so as well as my business. I learnt what was working well when my attention and focus were elsewhere and I learnt where I had bottlenecks, where things were really not working at their optimum.
There was a lot of reflection. What if that was me and I was leaving my 5 children behind? What legacy would I be leaving them right at this moment? There is nothing like a shocking tragedy, to really re-focus the mind and realise that this life we are gifted is not a trial. This is it and wow was I paying a lot more attention to mine.
There were a few things that really needed my immediate attention both personally and professionally. Personally, my focus went to my health. Although my brother’s passing (still unknown and tissue samples are still being tested) wasn’t health-related I started to think am I healthy? I am overweight, have inflammation issues, migraines to name a few and so even this showed me that I am far from optimum and now it is a no-excuses zone.
Professionally it showed me what my business was lacking. I used the same mentoring techniques on myself that I use on my clients and so immediate action was taken. I hired a new full-time team member to add to the crew. Systemised certain sections of my business and automate some more. And as much as I wish it had not been, under those circumstances, I already know that my business is better for the changes made.
Stuck in a Rut
We can often get complacent, stay in the safe zone but this is not where dreams are materialised. Although I had always been thinking I was pushing forward I realised I could step that up to a whole notch or two. I knew there were more comfort zones to break and along my personal and business journey there will be plenty more.
But today, as you read this I would like to ask you… What are you holding back on? Where can you step up and claim that life that you really want? Because, as I have recently been reminded life can be too short not to live it to the highest level.
If you are ready to step it up and grow and scale your business to build your ideal lifestyle or your legacy, create lasting impact then I am ready to help you!