“If you don’t like something change it; if you can’t change it, change the way you think about it.” ~ Mary Engelbreit
I came across an old blog post from a previous blog that was written around this time nearly 8 years ago and it is still as relevant today.
If you don’t like something change it; if you can’t change it, change the way you think about it.
This is an amazing quote from Mary Engelbreit and one that I fully take to heart.
In the original blog post, I shared that someone said something to me that not only knocked my confidence but also cut right to the core. I don’t necessarily think that person did it intentionally, (as is often the case). To be honest, it’s also not like me to allow words to affect me but sometimes they catch you off guard and they just do!
To stop it from spiralling into a mind monkey situation and a free for all for my Inner Critic. I had to say, right Traci, you have to change the way you think, look at it differently. By looking at it differently it helps to feel about it differently.
The effect of words
As an EFT Advanced practitioner, I often talked about the effect of words during my sessions and also during public speaking engagements. Words can only affect you if you allow them too and you allow them too by attaching a feeling or emotion to them.
This feeling can either be positive, such as the feeling you get when someone says “I love you” or “you look great” and on the other side they can be negative such as “you’re not good enough” or “you’re fat“.
There are many examples that could be used. For this example, we’ll use the negative to show ways of changing the way you can think about them.
Re-phrasing ~ Change the Way You Think
In the first example “I’m not good enough
“, which is very common and would come up in my Mentoring, Coaching and previously in my EFT sessions all the time. I would ask my clients how they felt when we turned that around by saying “I know I’m capable of doing much better/much more
“. This is known as re-phrasing. There are a few important aspects of this sentence:-
- we are addressing the issues not ignoring them
- we are not completely denying the sentence that caused upset. (This is to avoid an internal argumentative dialogue.)
- we have created space for a possible different outcome
For my clients they reported feeling differently; in their view, they felt the sentence came from a position of love and caring instead of hate and bitterness.
We all have the power to turn around those types of comments and experiences. Ensuring they no longer affect our day. We can change the perception by changing the words. The way we look at what has been said to us or directed at us. We are in effect changing the way we think at that moment.
When I originally wrote this post I had to take my own advice. Luckily it was a friend that reminded me and I am so grateful. Just goes to show that no matter how much you know you still have to practice what you preach!
If you feel that this is a real issue for you and your inner critic
goes to town on you and you want to change the way you think I have a number of resources that may help.